I was called to write my book, "Spy in the C-Suite: An EA's Guide to Better Business"- it is my mission statement. As a manager, I am holding myself accountable for the principles I explored in my book every day. It's not easy.
Some days I feel like I am a better manager than others, for sure. Some days, I feel like a flat-out failure. On those days, I have to remind myself that:
1) I did the best I could in those circumstances at that time
2) My behavior doesn't define who I am as a person (I handled that poorly vs. I am a bad manager)
3) I can and will apologize whenever necessary, honestly and without prevarication
4) I can and will work to do better next time.
5) As Dr. Emily and Dr. Amelia Nagoski point out in their book, "Burnout," I must complete the stress cycle caused by those negative interactions. This book is excellent, and I highly recommend it.
Ironically, after years of therapy and real work to eliminate negative self-talk, I've found the pocket of my soul where I still must believe it's acceptable. I am really, really hard on myself as a manager. I set what are likely unrealistic expectations for getting it right all the time. I'm working to ride that knife's edge between demanding of myself that I do better and accepting that there are times when I will miss the mark, and that is ok too. I will pick myself up, dust myself off, treat myself with kindness, apologize if necessary, and work to do better next time. That's all we can ask of ourselves, and it is absolutely enough.
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